Because, donuts. Ok?

I'm really grateful that this place exists. Where would I be without my occasional donut fix?

Hostess says goodbye

...but I got me one last box of raspberry zingers to share with my family.

Commitment - to make enduring, meaningful commitments

Is it ironic that the 'Commitment' card sends me away from this blog for 2 months? Maybe, maybe not. What's not ironic is that I have noticed that I'm feeling a little blue, and I haven't been working on this - my pet happiness project. That's no coincidence! 

I've been rolling over what 'commitment' means to me since I pulled this card. The first thoughts I have on this concept are around marriage, which I have automatically gone to as the context for this word. The concept takes on a new flavor now that I'm freshly divorced. Commitment used to mean staying with the same partner, no matter what happened. This was something that came easily to me, sometimes to my own detriment. I was willing to overlook a lot of things in order to remain committed - and I think I grew from the experience.

I am committed to my boyfriend/partner/lover/significant other/main squeeze (I haven't landed on the title that best describes my relationship with him). What I call him doesn't matter, my feelings for him are what they are, and I know we are committed to each other. My commitment to him is different for me, in that I feel I am operating less from impulse and more from a place of deep connection and comfort. It feels like the most natural thing in the world - of course I'm committed to him. 

The act of commitment also extends to my children - I will always commit to things that are good for them, and things I want to do with them. This is another place that is easy for me - of course I'm committed to being a parent.

Just as crazily, I am committed to my pets and their unreasonable needs. Naked cats require a little more commitment than the average kitty, what with bathing them and clothing them. This is a relatively thankless task, but the payback for me is that they crack my shit up constantly.

I get so much out of all the committed relationships in my life, it's a rewarding contemplation.

Achievement - to have important accomplishments

I am a classic list maker/achievement junkie. I thrive on making lists and checking things off when I've completed them.

I never realized how much achievement meant to me until I consciously set a goal and reached it. While my goals have kept getting bigger, the sense of accomplishment has never diminished. I have always felt the same warm satisfaction when I've finished something I've set out to do: I did that. I own it. Me. Not someone else.

Over time, I've found that the satisfaction stays for longer, the more achievements I've accomplished. I've felt more confident and more happy in myself. As someone once told me, accomplishments are portable. No one can take away achievements once they're complete.

Everything is amazing

I was briefly unimpressed with my Facetime feature on my iPhone. And then I remembered this video clip with Louis C.K.

What? The internet connection from my hand-held videophone is slow? Hello? I have a phone in my hand with a video connection! That's f*cking amazing!

Spirituality - to grow and mature spiritually

As I've aged, my spiritual nature has become more focussed. I've always thought of myself as a "spiritual" person, mainly because as I got an early start in a sobriety program I shunned all associations with organized religions. For me, "spirituality" got the work done without having to deal with organized religion.

I found personal success when I put my issues into the care of a higher power not necessarily called God, but nature. Nature is so obviously out of my control, there was no better face to put on the concept of a higher power, and this became my embodiment of 'God as we understood him'. Even so, I would never call myself a nature worshipper.

I could never find an organized religion that made sense to me or felt authentic. Most dogma seemed hollow - it always felt as if I was required to accept someone else's experience as my own and deny my own feelings


As I gravitated to doing athletic things, I grew a real love for the outdoors and re-kindled my respect for nature as a higher power. Running and riding are meditative activities for me. I think of the mountains as my own personal cathedral. I think of riding or running with my athletic community as going to church.

More recently I've found myself totally resonating with Buddhist philosophy. I was advised to go to Buddhist temples to meditate, and have found this to be very fulfilling. Everything I've read and learned about Buddhist philosophy feels utterly at home for me. The concepts of compassion, of loving kindness, training my mind to be open, being mindful and aware, these resonate with me fully. I practice Tonglen breathing when I go to meditation, and it gives me peace. I love living mindfully, open, respectful of others and their experience. I feel good about myself when I practice this philosophy.

I know, right? It sounds like crazy woo-woo, and it feels so grounding.

It is very important to me to share a spiritual framework with others in my life. I'm definitely not a religious person trying to recruit or testify. I believe that all humans are essentially the same creatures, we all want connection. I believe it costs nothing to be compassionate to others. I believe in sharing loving kindness. I believe that mindfulness gives me a greater experience of the world.

Romance - to have intense, exciting love in my life

In my life today, I have romance. I couldn't always say that was true. I think in the past I told myself it was less important, that I didn't need it. That I could function just fine without it. That that part of my life was over.

I believed that, for a long time.

I know now that my standards have gone up. I know now that I love love. I want a partner that I can be intimate with, that I can share my life and be emotionally open with. I want love, and I want to feel loved. I want warmth, and touching, and intensity. I want a full range of emotions. I want to give love unconditionally, and I want to get that back.

For me, this is high on the list of important values. I don't want to forget that. I want to cultivate this every day, and make sure I give it back.

Today I practice a little romance every day. I say what I feel, I am unafraid to express and touch and love.